Current Song: Water Runs Dry by Boyz II Men

A fellow blogger buddy of mine, Grace Boyle, wrote about the need to say “No” more in her blog this week. She’s one of those people who is always active, and so I can see how “Yes” is part of her regular vocabulary, and that saying a true “No” can sometimes be a challenge.

I face the exact opposite problem:  I say no too often.  Sometimes it’s not that I don’t have the will or time to do it.  It’s just where I come from.  Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll run out of energy or motivation. Other times, I just don’t know what my schedule will allow.  Like most introverts, I like space between events, so I’m energetic enough to follow through. There have been occasions where I overextend myself and do too many things in one day – and I enjoy none of them in the end.  It’s exhausting.

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

This really mostly pertains to social events. I’m starting to realize that hiding from the general public is not conducive to opportunity, and so I need to work on being able to say yes more often.

I love helping when I can, especially when it’s people who I love and care for. I’m just not always available. “No” often keeps us from moving forward and finding out new things about the world and ourselves. I’ve always been good at modulating myself – now is a good time to step out of the box.

Are you a yes person or a no person?  What do you need to work on?

Current Song: Detours by Penn Masala

Over these last holidays, I have had far too many opportunities to help organize and declutter.  Starting with my dear sister Zoyah’s room.  Zoyah is a very busy lady and most times her room looks like a bomb exploded in there.  By no fault of her own, when the piles get too much, she starts another.

It was a major job, that was quickly followed by helping to organize the entire basement and make room for three sewing machines, a myriad of academic paraphernalia, and miscellaneous things like yoga mats and two-by-fours from when Zoyah and I had bunk-beds.

My family tends to hold on to things in case we need them in the future, often falling just short of an episode of Hoarders.  Mainly because we hate buying things that we already have, we tend to keep things for an extra long time.

I however, cannot think if my desk is a mess.  This is what it looks like right now – and it’s a mess.  Decluttering is a regular occurrence for me, and I’m more than happy to throw things out.  I like efficiency…and clean surfaces.  I’m also very lazy when it comes to finding things: pens to write with, blank pieces of paper.  I need them all at my fingertips.

This is about as messy as my desk gets when I work.

Many people hate to declutter, so I have some tips that helps me keep my environment from overwhelming me.  There are many people who are famous for this, and probably have better tips, but here’s what works for an exceptionally lazy (efficient) cleaner.

1. Get in Decluttering Mood: By this, I mean, be alert enough to do the task, but tired enough that you don’t care enough to ponder over everything.  I prefer to start just before lunch, because I’m a little hungry and I want it done quickly, so I work fast.  If you’re too alert, you’ll think through everything, and you’ll have as much stuff in the end as you started off with.

2. Be Ruthless - No whimpering, no cooing, no reminiscent stroking of items.  Some things I understand, have sentimental value.  I have a few of those including a china tea set that my aunt sent me, a Brazilian Barbie and Ken (acquired in Dubai) and a blue teddy bear from a few years ago.  But don’t keep every thing that has a memory.  Often things can be condensed, converted, or made into other things.

3. Don’t Get too Many Containers – My mother has this understanding that the more containers, the more organized you are.  She made my sister put every single piece of jewellery into a little plastic egg, which then went into a box.  This proved futile.  Nobody wanted to look through a bunch of egg-shaped containers, and nobody wanted to put anything back in them.  Keep containers to a limit.  More isn’t better.

4. Think About Accessibility: If you are a yoga buff, don’t put your yoga mat on the top shelf of your garage’s back shelf.  It’s obvious, but when you’re in the throes of decluttering, you start making stupid decisions.  My dictionaries, pens and computer paper are easily reachable for me.  University textbooks, not so much.

5. Enlist Help and Split up the Job - Whatever you do, do not try to tackle a huge job in one day.  You’ll slam into a wall really fast.  Split it up over a weekend.  If you can rope an unsuspecting family member or friend into helping you (with promise of treats), then do.  It’ll go faster and then you can get on with your life.

6. Have a Plan: If you’re splitting things up, have a plan.  Don’t think as you go along.  There have been many a time where we’ve had to reorganize things because we didn’t think things through. If you forget where you’re going, write things down beforehand, so you don’t lose the groove.

7. Keep Flat Surfaces Clean - The most irritating form of clutter is that flat surfaces are covered in random things.  We used to put all of our mail on top of our television unit, until we didn’t actually see the unit itself.  I instituted the file box for mail, and now I can keep my brain from blowing up every time I encounter the television unit.

It’s not hard. It requires maintenance, but it’s well worth your sanity.

What tips do you have to share about decluttering?

Multicultural Leadership Starts from Within by Evan Soo (HBR) – Great article on the mindset of organizations in trying to navigate a diverse workforce and various types of work arrangements.

Don’t be Reckless with Other People’s Hearts, Don’t Put Up with People Who are Reckless with Yours – Awesome post written by Katherine on her blog Living the Expat Life.  It’s all about the vulnerabilities issue – something close to my heart, and something I’m working on too.  I can relate.

Access to Access by Seth Godin – It’s the daily struggle, isn’t it? We have all these resources but we need to get over ourselves in order to use them.  Awesome perspective in this one.

From Unemployed to Self-Employed in a Weekend: Making Money on Monday - fellow blogger, Jen Gresham writes wonderful things on her blog Everydaybright.com.  I loved this post – it’s about mindset.

A Place to Lay My Heart by Elisabeth Eaves in NY Times:  I struggle with the idea of staying rooted and leaving.  My favourite line: Love can be narcissistic in that we often fall for a person in whom we see ourselves.

Proofreaders’ Marks: Thank you Merriam-Webster!  I need the reminder once in a while.  Perhaps you do too.

Is Success Genetic? When Power Women Come in Pairs:  I think Jenna Goudreau is the bomb.  This article totally makes sense.  I have a sister who is super-accomplished, and we carry on as we do.  Have you seen similar patterns in your or other families?

My 52 Mistakes by Kathy Caprino: Great post about the mistakes we all – men and women make in our careers, and the impact that it has on our lives.  Great blog in the “you are not alone” category!

How to Raise the Anti-Bully by Craig and Mark Keilburger (Free the Children): Bullying was such a huge problem when I was younger – I was often a target – and I wish that this much attention had been paid to it when it affected my generation. Better late than never.  How to talk compassion into your kids.

35 Magnum Photographers Give Their Advice to Aspiring Photographers:  This is such a great article, not only for photographers, but for the rest of us.  Seems that following your instincts, learning your craft, doing what you love are universal pieces of career advice!  Also check out the portfolios of Steve McCurry (you’ll see his iconic NatGeo photo.  He’s amazing at capturing expression in eyes) and Martine Franck.

Current Song: Water Runs Dry by Boyz II Men

A couple of days, I got sick of being positive about things.  My well-laid out plans were failing me, and I finally hit a big giant wall.

As you may know, I have been on the hunt for an exciting new work opportunity for the last little while .  In a competitive environment where we all stack up pretty close to each other, I can’t find my edge.   Am I qualified? Totally.  Do people like me? Most do.   I’ve done everything by the book. I’ve taken advice, executed, gone to more networking things than I care to count, done and re-done cover letters, proofed, trained, re-trained.

So I’m giving it up; I’m throwing out the book.  As of now, I have no plan.  Whatsoever.

And I’m scared.

I’m a consummate planner.  I have a plan for everything.  Even my do-nothing days are planned out.  Though I’m mentally carried away by interesting ideas, I generally know where they fit into my life plan.  So far, this plan is nothing I thought it would be.  And you know what they say: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Well, it’s certifiably insane to do the same thing now.  It’s hard to admit to myself that, sometimes sister, all the best intended plans don’t pan out the way we want.

Thing is, I can’t predict my path all that clearly.  And I’m slowly coming to the realization that I’m going to have to forge one.  This means, occupying a larger space than I’m used to, which scares the hell out of me.

My many travel maps

Plans sometimes box us in – even the really good ones. We get caught up wandering about a small space like lab animals, and don’t give ourselves the benefit of outside space.

I’m looking around at my desk right now.  Open books, five dictionaries, sticky-notes, and a wall calendar.  This is the small space I occupy.  It’s time to move.

So I’m somewhere in the grey.  We’re going to be throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks.  I’ll have to keep in mind my favourite saying about these things by Joseph Campbell: “You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”

It’s a bit like being without pants.  But I suppose pants have their time and place.

What plan-less things have you done?  How did not having a plan turn out for you?

Current Song: Worry Walks Beside Me by Michael Kiwanuka

On December 31st, 2011, in a reverie of self-actualization, I promised myself to start meditating in the new year.  People have been telling me for years to give it a shot, but I have always scoffed at the idea.  For someone who is introspective, I’m not really won over by woo-woo self-help things.  I’ve read a few, I admit, often in search for answers when I’ve talked myself into mental knots.  But I generally think it’s too much fluff for any one person to digest.

In any case, I happened to get some meditations from a fellow blogger, Anabelle when I was having some trouble sleeping.  One of them was a guided meditation directed by a woman who sounds very much like the automatic voice that comes on the phone when you’ve dialed someone who’s not available.

So I woke up early on January 2, had my coffee and settled into my work chair, headphones on.  It went something like this.

Voice: Settle into a comfortable position.  Ensure your aaaarms and legs are uncrossed.  Take a deep breath slowly.

I’m sleepy *yawn*…I hope I last

Your body  is an ocean of energy.  Feel the shimmering white light cascade down.

Speaking of cascades, I really need to wash my hair. That reminds me, I better go and get more shampoo.  I wonder what happened to that Timotei brand…

You’re walking along a path along a mountain.  There is a wall near you alongside the mountain

Wait wait. The wall encircles the mountain?  How? Now I’m IN the mountain? I wish it was more like on the mountain…it’s way easier to imagine.  I cannot believe people actually do the grouse grind for fun! I mean…c’mon!

And so on I went in this manner for a half hour – it seems unnecessary to state that I have trouble keeping my mind still.  When you’re full of thoughts and ideas, this whole endeavour is akin to trying to keep hyperactive caffeinated children still.

We’ve now just completed day 18 of meditation.  I have skipped a couple of days, because of sheer exhaustion, but over all, I think I’ve done well.  As for a quiet mind, that is yet to be achieved. I have noticed, though that I look forward to it more days than not, even though it’s an extra half hour tacked to my morning.  Will it lead to Nirvana?  I have no idea, but I figure hundreds of spiritual beings can’t be wrong!

Have you ever tried meditating?  Did it work for you?

It’s Not You; It’s the Judgement Economy by Jessica Hagy on Forbes – If you’ve ever felt like crap, Hagy offers some insight – and cool graphics – on how a judgement economy often dictates how we end up feeling about ourselves and life around us.

The 52 Letters Project: Reconnecting with the Handwritten Word is a project started by JoAnna Haugen, a freelance writer.  I found the link for 52 letters through the Matador Network.  As a major fan of handwritten letters, I love the concept of writing a letter a week to someone for a whole year.  I plan on checking in with JoAnna’s blog.  I hope you will too!

Don’t Think Different, Think About Different Things on HBR Blog Network – A really cool post by Dr. Art Markman about the importance of asking different questions, and thinking about things differently in order to foster innovation (I found me a new idol!)

10 Rules for Brilliant Women by Tara Sophia Mohr on Wise Living – I never read this, but apparently last year it went viral (how I missed this, I don’t know).  It’s got some really kick-ass advice on living your best life as a brilliant woman.  Implement Now!

100 Most Beautiful Words in the English Language – Need I say more?

To Find Happiness, Forget about Passion by Oliver Segovia on HBR – This article addresses the prime issue with my generation, as we’ve become this internally driven group of people.  Some call us the “Me Generation”.  Yet some of the best job search advice I’ve heard is to offer a solution to a problem. Perhaps it’s time we did that.

John Steinbeck, on Falling in Love – A 1958 Letter - This letter was originally posted on Brainpickings.org.  I read Steinbeck’s “East of Eden” last year, and it left an indelible impression on me.  He is a gritty, graceful, talented writer, and this softer side of him is so refreshing, and so characteristic!

The Rise of the New Groupthink by Susan Cain, who happens to be a favourite author on the subject of introversion. This article hits the nail on the head.  My most creative work is done in solitude, though I value being able to talk to colleagues to “bounce ideas”.  You’d actually be surprised by how many of our most  influential innovators throughout history have been introverts!

Current Song: The Hardest Part by Coldplay

There’s been an interesting response to an article published in Vancouver Magazine called “Do Vancouver Men Suck?” and its response “Do Vancouver Women Suck?  I’d like to tell you a third story.

Yesterday I was taking the skytrain, standing on the platform, earphones in.  As the skytrain pulled up, I did the old walk-up-to-the-door.  A scruffy looking fellow (I think he was in work boots) was getting ready to disembark.  So as one does, I stood to the side.  He gave me a great big smile and thanked me for letting him off first.

As I got on and looked around for a seat, another fellow, dressed in a ski jacket looked up.  I momentarily caught his eye, and he smiled at me.

When I got to the deli where we were having lunch, we had to wait in a long line with hoards of other hungry diners.  When I was up to order my meal, I suppose I must have appeared slightly concerned about ordering quickly, and not taking forever.  At which point, the nice fellow taking my order told me not worry, and that I could take my time if I wanted anything else.

This was just yesterday.  I’m defending some of the men in the city, and some of the women in the city.  I know lots of good ones of either side.  And I know a lot of crap ones on either side.

At lunch yesterday, I met a lovely coworker of my friends’ who just moved to Vancouver six months ago.  She told me how difficult it was for her to meet people, and that it made her terribly homesick.  She also felt really odd about sitting in on a pre-planned lunch, to which I replied, that it was always nice to meet new people.

So it appears to be a Vancouver-wide problem.  There is a simple solution to it.

Can the attitude.

I’m guilty of not smiling, not giving people a chance, not getting to know them better.  I think, at this point, most people are.  But if your attitude says, “I’m sorry, we’re not accepting any more friends in this circle” or “We’re too busy making inside jokes that you won’t get”, you can be sure you’ll miss out on getting to know people who might be amazing.

Vancouver has plenty of instances in which we have come together, be it the 2010 Olympics, where high-fiving strangers was practically mandatory, or the many festivals in the city.  If you stop to maybe say hello, compliment someone on their scarf or simply ask directions, perhaps you’ll have broken the ice.

The other part of this, for women is, that we’ve done such a good job of being self-sufficient, that we often make people – not just men – feel like they’re not needed.  Ask yourself this:  Why would you stick around if you don’t feel needed?  I hear many complaints about the “trouble with being a successful 30-year-old professional.”  Well, guess what, pumpkin?  You made your bed.  You can lie in it.  Alone.

The simple fact of the matter is, that everyone wants to feel welcomed, and needed.  That’s what creates relationships and community.  That’s what makes the world go round.  We often close ourselves off to these opportunities (ever show up at a networking event with a group of people??) Inherently, this is our doing.  But luckily, we can fix it.

In an effort to offer something for the “more resources please” crowd, I’m going to offer up a few links every Monday that will hopefully get your neurons dancing a bit more.  I’m starting out small, but hopefully it’ll grow as I continue to find more interesting links on the ‘net.  Here goes!

28 Ways to Stop Complicating Your Life by Marc and Angel – This blog is quickly becoming a favourite.  Sometimes it’s a little bit woo-woo for me, but they offer some basic truths, easily implementable that would likely make everyone’s lives just that much better.  I’m working on number 21.

Building Effective Teams in Emerging Markets on the HBR Blog Network – I’m a big fan of the Harvard Business Review’s blog network. This article about how to create working teams in emerging markets highlights the importance to picking up on community strengths that are pre-existing.

Tourism and the Climate Change Challenge on Carbon Talks – This is a cool local initiative up at SFU.  This week, a really interesting blog by Joe Kelly on how climate change will affect tourism.  Vancouver relies substantially on tourism dollars, so this article is quite apt for our community.

Three Ways to Use Pinterest for Business on SpinSucks – Possibly the biggest timesuck since Facebook, Pinterest is a neat website where people can share their ideas on, well, pretty things – it is essentially an online vision board/scrapbook.  Now we can use it for business! Hah! Told you I wasn’t wasting time!

Do Vancouver Men Suck? in Vancouver Magazine – This article had us all abuzz last week on social media.  I plan on writing something related in a few days.  But have a look and see what you think.

That’s all for today!  If you have any interesting tidbits to share, please do!

Current Song: Crystal by Stevie Nicks

I’ve decided to give blogging one more shot before I decide whether I’m going to keep it up after almost (next month!) six years.  Thank you to those of you who filled out my survey from this past week.

I got some interesting comments around telling more stories, and more often than I would have thought, about being more vulnerable in my storytelling.  This has been a struggle for me for the last 30 years. It goes well with my new year’s resolution this year.

I resolve to have an open heart.  

I don’t know what this looks like, but here’s a story.

I belong to a book club.  I started it about a year ago now, in an effort to talk to and find an excuse to get together with my friends more often.  There are so many of us that love reading.  We read all kinds of things from sci-fi children’s fiction to autobiographies and everything in between.  You can find us on a Sunday in one of Vancouver’s many coffee and tea establishments passionately discussing some relevant topic.  I love my book club.  It makes me happy.  If I could make it into a job, I would.

The last book club we had, my friend Shazeen picked “The Cat’s Table”.  It is the latest work of fiction by Michael Ondaatje.  I have always been attracted to his luscious writing style.  Sometimes gritty, sometimes confusing, it is like food you’re trying for the first time. I want to shovel it into my brain by the heapfuls.  ”The Cat’s Table” had a very explosive collision with my own spirit.  In particular, this passage (try to ignore the medical improbabilities contained herein):

I once had a friend whose heart “moved” after a traumatic incident that he refused to recognize. It was only a few years later, while he was being checked out by his doctor for some minor ailment, that this physical shift was discovered. And I wondered then, when he told me this, how many of us have a moved heart that shies away to a different angle, a millimetre or even less from a place where it first existed, some repositioning unknown to us…How have our emotions glanced off rather than directly faced others ever since, resulting in simple unawareness, or in some cases cold-blooded self-sufficiency that is damaging to us?  Is this what has left us, still uncertain, at a Cat’s Table, looking back, searching those that we journeyed with or were formed by, even now, at this age?

Beautiful photo from Creative Commons Flickr

I think somewhere in the past, my heart might have moved a little bit.  Perhaps it’s slightly out of whack, closing itself off, making me self-sufficient, unable to understand sometimes, and being frightened most of the time of vulnerability.  Perhaps my heart is afraid of the strain that might come from jostling it back into its original spot.  I don’t know. It’s something I need to work on.  So I’ll continue to tell stories, open myself up to things that I have refused to recognize, and try to breathe it out when it gets too much.

I hope you’ll stand by.

Happy New Year.  I hope it was a good one.

Quick favour.  I’m looking to figure out the next direction for my blog (we have outlived our usefulness) and I’m looking for your help.  Would you help a sister out and fill out a very short – 8 questions long – survey please?

You’ll find it here:

Click here to take survey

Thanks a whole bunch!