Current Mood: Iffy
Current Song: Water Runs Dry by Boyz II Men
A couple of days, I got sick of being positive about things. My well-laid out plans were failing me, and I finally hit a big giant wall.
As you may know, I have been on the hunt for an exciting new work opportunity for the last little while . In a competitive environment where we all stack up pretty close to each other, I can’t find my edge. Am I qualified? Totally. Do people like me? Most do. I’ve done everything by the book. I’ve taken advice, executed, gone to more networking things than I care to count, done and re-done cover letters, proofed, trained, re-trained.
So I’m giving it up; I’m throwing out the book. As of now, I have no plan. Whatsoever.
And I’m scared.
I’m a consummate planner. I have a plan for everything. Even my do-nothing days are planned out. Though I’m mentally carried away by interesting ideas, I generally know where they fit into my life plan. So far, this plan is nothing I thought it would be. And you know what they say: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Well, it’s certifiably insane to do the same thing now. It’s hard to admit to myself that, sometimes sister, all the best intended plans don’t pan out the way we want.
Thing is, I can’t predict my path all that clearly. And I’m slowly coming to the realization that I’m going to have to forge one. This means, occupying a larger space than I’m used to, which scares the hell out of me.
My many travel maps
Plans sometimes box us in – even the really good ones. We get caught up wandering about a small space like lab animals, and don’t give ourselves the benefit of outside space.
I’m looking around at my desk right now. Open books, five dictionaries, sticky-notes, and a wall calendar. This is the small space I occupy. It’s time to move.
So I’m somewhere in the grey. We’re going to be throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks. I’ll have to keep in mind my favourite saying about these things by Joseph Campbell: “You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”
It’s a bit like being without pants. But I suppose pants have their time and place.
What plan-less things have you done? How did not having a plan turn out for you?
I have either been in, and in some ways am still in a similar situation. The worst time to go forward is not when you don’t have a plan. It’s when things are so out of joint that one cannot even conceive of a plan. A point in life where a plan, by it’s very nature, simply won’t fit into the unpredictability that one’s life has been immersed in.
The good news is, you can get back to the use of plans sooner, if you just except the chaps now and then. I myself am in the midst of a planning era again, after some time of no plans. I didn’t like “no plans” much, but it did suddenly allow the right knowledge, questions, and desires to bubble to the surface. Things that, without setting aside the need to plan would never have become obvious.
And the irony is, once you embrace having no plan, and let those things bubble up, those very things become the foundation of your new plan.
So, you have no plan now. Another one, even a small, goofy one, will begin to emerge from the chaos in a little while.
Ty, this comment really REALLY resonated with me. It’s exactly the place I think I am, and exactly what I need to be doing. Seeing as I attract chaos, perhaps it’s a good thing, just to let the chips fall where they may. Good luck in your journey too; we are, neither of us alone.