Current Mood: Done for the day.
Current Song: Worry Walks Beside Me by Michael Kiwanuka
On December 31st, 2011, in a reverie of self-actualization, I promised myself to start meditating in the new year. People have been telling me for years to give it a shot, but I have always scoffed at the idea. For someone who is introspective, I’m not really won over by woo-woo self-help things. I’ve read a few, I admit, often in search for answers when I’ve talked myself into mental knots. But I generally think it’s too much fluff for any one person to digest.
In any case, I happened to get some meditations from a fellow blogger, Anabelle when I was having some trouble sleeping. One of them was a guided meditation directed by a woman who sounds very much like the automatic voice that comes on the phone when you’ve dialed someone who’s not available.
So I woke up early on January 2, had my coffee and settled into my work chair, headphones on. It went something like this.
Voice: Settle into a comfortable position. Ensure your aaaarms and legs are uncrossed. Take a deep breath slowly.
I’m sleepy *yawn*…I hope I last
Your body is an ocean of energy. Feel the shimmering white light cascade down.
Speaking of cascades, I really need to wash my hair. That reminds me, I better go and get more shampoo. I wonder what happened to that Timotei brand…
You’re walking along a path along a mountain. There is a wall near you alongside the mountain
Wait wait. The wall encircles the mountain? How? Now I’m IN the mountain? I wish it was more like on the mountain…it’s way easier to imagine. I cannot believe people actually do the grouse grind for fun! I mean…c’mon!
And so on I went in this manner for a half hour – it seems unnecessary to state that I have trouble keeping my mind still. When you’re full of thoughts and ideas, this whole endeavour is akin to trying to keep hyperactive caffeinated children still.
We’ve now just completed day 18 of meditation. I have skipped a couple of days, because of sheer exhaustion, but over all, I think I’ve done well. As for a quiet mind, that is yet to be achieved. I have noticed, though that I look forward to it more days than not, even though it’s an extra half hour tacked to my morning. Will it lead to Nirvana? I have no idea, but I figure hundreds of spiritual beings can’t be wrong!
Have you ever tried meditating? Did it work for you?
I have tried it here and there. Not for years though.
I can’t say I was attempting anything fancy. And I may have been over anxious to try to feel some great enlightenment a few times, (which of course will put the brakes on most of the benefits pretty quickly. You can’t go looking for that sort of thing.)
After a while, at my most disciplined, I did get to a point where if nothing else, I was more relaxed and focused after a simple session. (Most of mine was just breathing and letting my thoughts show up, and then clear. Once or twice I tried a guided meditation, but I was never sure if I was envisioning the scene properly or not. I know that isn’t supposed to be a concern, but what can I say?)
A few times, a specific insight or two showed up.
But as often as not I would feel myself falling asleep, and if you fall asleep, well, that doesn’t help much either. And I sleep terribly anyway, so it was a “danger” more often than not when I sat and relaxed.
In the end I didn’t stop doing it for any one specific reason. I guess I just drifted away from it, as they say. Lack of discipline, or my expectations changing. Different expectations probably required a different approach, but I may have just gotten too impatient for it.
I have thought about going back to it here and there, though. Maybe if I try again I can get to a point where meditation does for this writer what it does for many I have heard about… wild inspiration and such. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try it. I’ll let you know if I do.
Thanks Ty.
I actually look forward to it more, but I do understand that whole floating away from your practice thing. I do that with yoga as well. As much as I love it, sometimes I just don’t do it.
I’m also a terrible sleeper in general, but I’m finding the act of getting up early to do it, is actually proving beneficial.
I’ll keep everyone updated
I enjoyed reading your post, Mehnaz. The only time I tried meditation was in this compulsory yoga class we had as part of our Master’s program back in India. No one took it seriously, since we had all just dragged ourselves there because the attendance was compulsory. But I suppose meditation takes effort and requires some practice (or at least that’s what I got out of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’!) I’m also with you on not being totally won over by the self-help stuff. Sometimes, it’s just stuff the West buys into…like Deepak Chopra, for example. Though lately, I have been exploring the self-help genre a bit (I’m currently reading The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama.) It’s always good to keep an open mind to things and then decide whether it works for you or not.
Thanks so much, Farida.
It’s one of those things that I think can’t be forced on you, or else you’ll resist the hell out of it. I’ve never been good at being bossed around anyway in that way
There are some very valuable folks out there in the self-help genre, but perhaps I’m drawn to those ones that don’t put on airs and pretenses, and that actually hold you accountable, and kick your ass if you wimp out. I totally agree that you need to keep an open mind – after all, our beliefs are perfectly capable of evolving!