Current Mood: Energy ebb.

Current Song: The Hardest Part by Coldplay

There’s been an interesting response to an article published in Vancouver Magazine called “Do Vancouver Men Suck?” and its response “Do Vancouver Women Suck?  I’d like to tell you a third story.

Yesterday I was taking the skytrain, standing on the platform, earphones in.  As the skytrain pulled up, I did the old walk-up-to-the-door.  A scruffy looking fellow (I think he was in work boots) was getting ready to disembark.  So as one does, I stood to the side.  He gave me a great big smile and thanked me for letting him off first.

As I got on and looked around for a seat, another fellow, dressed in a ski jacket looked up.  I momentarily caught his eye, and he smiled at me.

When I got to the deli where we were having lunch, we had to wait in a long line with hoards of other hungry diners.  When I was up to order my meal, I suppose I must have appeared slightly concerned about ordering quickly, and not taking forever.  At which point, the nice fellow taking my order told me not worry, and that I could take my time if I wanted anything else.

This was just yesterday.  I’m defending some of the men in the city, and some of the women in the city.  I know lots of good ones of either side.  And I know a lot of crap ones on either side.

At lunch yesterday, I met a lovely coworker of my friends’ who just moved to Vancouver six months ago.  She told me how difficult it was for her to meet people, and that it made her terribly homesick.  She also felt really odd about sitting in on a pre-planned lunch, to which I replied, that it was always nice to meet new people.

So it appears to be a Vancouver-wide problem.  There is a simple solution to it.

Can the attitude.

I’m guilty of not smiling, not giving people a chance, not getting to know them better.  I think, at this point, most people are.  But if your attitude says, “I’m sorry, we’re not accepting any more friends in this circle” or “We’re too busy making inside jokes that you won’t get”, you can be sure you’ll miss out on getting to know people who might be amazing.

Vancouver has plenty of instances in which we have come together, be it the 2010 Olympics, where high-fiving strangers was practically mandatory, or the many festivals in the city.  If you stop to maybe say hello, compliment someone on their scarf or simply ask directions, perhaps you’ll have broken the ice.

The other part of this, for women is, that we’ve done such a good job of being self-sufficient, that we often make people – not just men – feel like they’re not needed.  Ask yourself this:  Why would you stick around if you don’t feel needed?  I hear many complaints about the “trouble with being a successful 30-year-old professional.”  Well, guess what, pumpkin?  You made your bed.  You can lie in it.  Alone.

The simple fact of the matter is, that everyone wants to feel welcomed, and needed.  That’s what creates relationships and community.  That’s what makes the world go round.  We often close ourselves off to these opportunities (ever show up at a networking event with a group of people??) Inherently, this is our doing.  But luckily, we can fix it.