Ouch. That’s going to hurt.
That was my first reaction after I did some emotional stock-taking during the reverb10 writing project last winter, and realized I had some ugly personal demons that needed wrestling with.
Ouch. That’s going to hurt. A lot.
I knew the process wasn’t going to be quick or pretty. I knew it was going to take time. I knew there weren’t going to be any fast answers. Sifting through the landscape of your own mind can be like trying to excavate a dinosaur.
I think deep down inside I’ve known this house cleaning was necessary, but in the past, that is where I would balk. I don’t shy away from the grueling, the challenging, or the stressful. But when it comes to the painful, especially emotionally painful hurdles, I can be avoidant. I can spend my days under the haze of rose-colored glasses, humming happily away while the world crumbles under my feet.
And then suddenly I’m left standing there, balancing on one toe. Wondering what the heck happened. Caught in the same unnecessary cycles because I wasn’t paying attention.
And by then, the situation would be so dire that it called for major demolition and repair. Wrecking balls, fork lifts, welding machines. These times call for tools of a violent kind. And afterwards, things would appear to be fixed. Until that same issue would poke its head up from the ground like a gopher. And the cycle starts again.
The point of reverb10, in case you haven’t had a chance to participate (which I highly recommend), is to reflect over the course of your year during the month of December. And in writing about my year every day for a month, I finally recognized the face of those cycles, those nasty skeletons in my closet. Like I said, I think I always knew they had been there. It’s just maybe that I didn’t know exactly what they looked like.
But now I did. Now I had no excuse. I could put my rose-colored glasses back on and pretend I hadn’t seen them. Pretend that they were just an illusion in the mirror. Or I could get over them and move on with my life.
Ouch, this is going to hurt. But I guess I’ll find a way to figure get though it.
I wasn’t sure how to get started, and so I prepared those tools from the past, the only ones I had, the ones that just demolished everything so I could start over with a clean slate. But lately I’ve learned that the things we must overcome don’t have to be approached so aggressively. They don’t always require dynamite or machetes. There are tools of a gentler sort that work just as well, without as much effort.
Instead of blowing a hole through the roadblocks standing in my way, I can build a bridge, one step at a time, up the top until I’m safely on the other side.
Noël Rozny is a web editor and content manager who loves hot yoga, the written word, and all things social media. By day, she writes and edits the career and education blog, myPathfinder. By night, she works on freelance projects and her blog, frenchchristmas. Find her on Twitter @noelrozny.