Current Mood: It’s hot. I’m not completely melting, but I am starting to blur around the edges a bit.
Current Song: Alejandro by Lady Gaga (and/or Ace of Base)
Lately, I’ve been thinking about women in positions of power quite a lot. I think I’m at that stage where a great woman mentor would be something really valuable to have. After reading Kelly Cutrone’s new book, which essentially is my mentor for now, it has been in the back of my mind for some time now. Then today, as I was doing my morning blog rounds, I read this article by Kari Henley in the Huffington Post about just that topic (serendipity I tells ya)!
My experiences with mentors is probably quite similar to that of most women my age. In university, my thesis advisor was male, my conductors have all been male and pretty much anyone that I get referred to in terms of career advancement tends to be male. It’s rather odd since most of the organisations I have worked for have female directors.
There are plenty of women in positions of power, but there seems to be a distinct lack of guidance, I find. Perhaps it’s because we want to hold fast to our careers that we’ve worked so hard for. Or perhaps it’s because we’re not sure how to go about guiding each other or feel that somehow it’s not really needed. It doesn’t seem to come naturally to the gender that usually is the more collaborative. I know of some female networks, but engaging with them usually results in my walking away frustrated. Why? Because they concentrate on how to wear a saree properly, or how to cook a great indian meal. When there are seminars on topics such as finances, they usually welcome a male speaker.
There is nothing wrong with it, but I think in some ways, it propagates the old standard stereotypes. Women, we are capable of better.
My one mentoring experience – where I was the mentor – was a real eye-opener as to what we are capable to doing as a group. Not only does it give you a sense of accomplishment and gratitude to be able to work through someone’s career and life plans with them, but it helps you bridge the gaping divide in career and life development. And it is a bi-directional relationship. I learned a lot from my mentee, and we have an ongoing relationship, where we check in every now and then.
Gen Y and X women, we are not that different. Hell, Gen Y women could take part in a peer mentoring exercise as well! We are lucky enough to have girlfriends that we can talk to about relationships and shopping, so why not someone you can talk to about writing a will or buying a second-hand car or getting that promotion ( a tribe, as Kelly would call it)? It’s a serious disservice that this type of network is typically non-existent.
Women, what have your experiences with a female mentor been? Do you have one? Do you need one?
Personally, I think this is a huge problem. But I lay the blame somewhere completely different tan you do. My sneaking suspicion is that women never quite feel like they’ve “made-it” enough for their advice to be worth-while.
Even the most successful of us hesitate to realize our own value, and the value that sharing our life experiences and knowledge might give to others.
Fortunately, I think this is starting to change. The only problem is right now it’s changing in spurts and mostly online (where geography can’t interfere or prevent relationships).
You make a good point. There is always the general atmosphere that women are somehow lacking, and rather than talking about how we’ve gotten so far, we shy away.
First, Alejandro is totally Ace of Base!! I feel like a fifth grader each time I hear that song…
When it comes to mentoring, I have done a lot of work with high schooler and college women. I think the best advice I have right now is navigating the new world we get pushed into without much preparation. I’d like to continue to do that in the future, so for my MBA time, I’m hoping I can work with the undergrads. And you’re right, we should support each other as peers. I hope we find more opportunities to do so, but I do find good peer support on Brazen. Great post!
Brazen has been totally awesome in terms of networking, and especially to learn about other perspectives. It’s great that we’re connecting with Generation Z more, but I still feel the divide between X and Y, so I’d hope that gap would be filled in more.
No, I think there is a lack of female mentors. I don’t know why either…because in general, as a gender, females are nurturing and hardwired to help.
My mentor currently is at my job but is a male. He has two daughters, which I really appreciate and find that he is able to connect, guide and teach me better.
In College, I had a few female professors who I still keep in touch with today.
Have we considered the females in power often have more on their plate than a male? They have a family to run when they get home, maybe they’re volunteering their time more than some men too…Do you think it’s a matter of time? Because there are women in power, that is for sure. I work in tech, so it’s really hard to find women anywhere – PERIOD. Whether they’re in power or not, I connect with like minded women groups and plan events to help mentorship younger girls in middle school to grow and be part of technology, science and the online world.
As I tweeted, Girls In Tech and Ladies Who Launch are two organizations I am deeply involved with here in Boulder. They’re both national organizations…
It may be a matter of time, Grace. You might be right. Women are in some ways still carriers of the home responsibilities (as much as we like to think there is an evening out of responsibilities). But I think that daily life offers tons of opportunities to meet with mentees. For instance, a lunch meeting, a 10 min phone call at the end of the day. Even just an email.
What I have liked about mentoring is, that it can be as time consuming as you like it to be. And often it’s just a matter of offering encouragement rather than a full-on life plan at every meeting. Yes, it’s a time thing. But we can all make time if we want to. After all, we make time for so much else.
It stems from gender equality in the workplace. For so long, women have been perceived as less effective, too emotional, inclined to leave to start families and overall, not as important as men in the workplace. They reign at home, but when it comes to the office, they’re second rate. Because of being considered the 2nd sex, to give credit to Simone de Beauvoir, for so long, they are conditioned to fight for their place once they attain a previously male-dominated role in upper management. We are so afraid of getting replaced that we become hardened and cold, always looking over our shoulders.
This isn’t reserved to Americans (or Canadians) as I have experienced it firsthand in France. Women with admirable success in positions to be powerful mentors turn their back on the women trying to find their bearings. What has to happen for us to look out for each other in solidarity?
You would think, intuitively, that it would be a good idea to pass the torch that women have worked so hard for. it’s almost like attaining a wealth of knowledge and then burning the books for fear someone else will learn from them as well.
To me, it’s counterintuitive. I would assume, like we often do in Gen Y networks, that knowledge garners more knowledge. We find ways and means to gain competitive advantage through knowledge. Becoming hardened to the fact that someone needs help or could use guidance is essentially cutting the legs off of progress. We engage such vast and intimate networks in our daily lives, from mums’ groups to reading clubs to walking teams. Why not have a work tribe? It only makes sense for holistic development.
I agree with all of these comments: a combination of factors, including insecurity, fear, “homefront” duties, AND competition – that sense of having worked twice as hard as your male colleagues – all contribute to the lack of female mentors and, indeed, women in power roles at all. There are still very, very few, and not nearly as many as one might assume, particularly in the U.S., given the ration of women to men seeking higher education in 2010.
I did have two female mentors: one was a poet I met at age 16, who encouraged me to pursue my writing and with whom I maintained a long letter-based correspondence with. Another was a more formal arrangement, my advisor at NYU-Gallatin, who was a very learned woman. Somewhat intimidating, even, but I admired her mind greatly – and it influenced how I approached my education.
Harder to find that support in the work world, however. I find that women can be difficult to deal with at work too. Men are competitive, yes, but women tend to bring the personal into the workplace competition. I think they have been socialized to do this, and it makes me uncomfortable as a woman and as an employee (and employer, at this point). Bear in mind I believe this is all cultural construct at this stage; women have, by now, demonstrated their facility as managers and leaders. It’s harder to cast away the playground mentality than it is to achieve, because we’re not quite sure how else to interact.
This will change only with time and with more female leaders. The day we can have a female presidential candidate in the U.S. without mocking her physical appearance will be a damn miracle. (Mehnaz, I realize I speak for my own country here!)
In my view, feminism is alive and well – and we need to take actions, on our own, to preserve it and make way for other women to achieve freely, without the urge to criticize. And in turn teach our daughters that fellowship and feminism, not competition or performance of “masculine” workplace traits, will be what ultimately helps alleviate this lack.
The radical feminist in me wants to point out that our bodies are still in the way, but that’s a different conversation!
Lindsey, you make a fantastic point about the “playground mentality” as you call it. I have noticed that there always seems to be a more personal flavour that extends beyond a business relationship when it comes to the work world and women. In fact, I’ve had that happen in the past, and it does start to affect your work.
In fact, I was thinking about Michelle Obama the other day – who seems to be gracing the covers of every magazine for her impecable sense of style and less for her achievements in law etc.
And yes, I do agree that this can only really be remedied when we have more female leaders, but also leaders that can build constructive business relationships with their peers and younger generations.
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